(self portrait from age 14)
I realized the other day that if I wrote a letter to myself from 10 years ago, I would be writing to the 13 year old girl who had just realized she had depression. I would be writing to the girl who wanted to kill herself, who had no friends and felt isolated. I would be writing to the girl who saw no hope, was failing at school and just need help. And that’s who I started my business as a Wellness Mentor for. I created my business, this blog, the reason I write and help women is because of that 13 year old girl, because I remember feeling so alone. And so I want to write to her today, from where I’m at now.
Dear 13 Year Old Kendra,
I want to start off by telling you that some day, you will be so incredibly proud of yourself. You will celebrate your big wins and your little wins (and you will have them both). You will be proud of surviving all that you have, you will realize how strong you are for everything you have gone through.
I’m not sure how much that helps right now, in the moment. I know you are kind of floating, just waiting for something to get better or for something to make everything end it all. I know you hurt, and you cry and you feel hopeless and helpless and so much less.
But you’re not. Not even a little. You are strong. You are powerful. You are amazing for standing up for yourself and asking for help. You are strong for surviving, for staying alive. You are strong for fighting, even when it seems there’s no point.
There are tough times ahead, I know I’ve been there. But you know what? You have people there to lean on. You have an immense amount of support and you are so so lucky to have that. Go easy on yourself, things will work out in the end. But you have to go through these rough parts to get to the good.
You will find your lobster, you will find your purpose, you will find your joy. Just keep fighting, lovely. Keep fighting, keep holding on and keep moving forward. I know you feel alone and that’s hard, but there are people that care so intensely for you. They may not completely understand the pain you feel but they love you and that’s important.
Cry if you need to, scream if you want but don’t ever give up. Go through the rough parts, strive toward your goals and keep holding on to the love and support you have with everything you’ve got. You’ll make it out the other side of this pain and be better, be stronger, be more confident because of it.
Love, Future Kendra
Share in the comments: What would you tell yourself 10 years ago?
PS : A few months ago, I wrote a letter to my new mama self who was suffering with ppd on the TWHOLA blog.